My Disability Hearing Is Coming Up

I wasn’t sure what to expect at the hearing so I made some notes of things I feel would affect my work performance the most.

I have been trying to get disability for autism and mental health reasons since 2016/2017. After being denied 2 times, it’s time to fight the claim in court. I am just so worried my anxiety will cause me to mess it up. I am not

good under pressure. On the other hand, the lawyer knows what judge I will get.

I think the main thing that hurt me is when my old therapist left. This can be something to bring up in court if they ask. They will see a gap in my doctor’s visits. I was attending my appointments but the therapist never recorded it on the computer. She wrote me a letter excusing me from jury duty when I got the dreaded letter. Then after she left and I met the new therapist (before knowing he was garbage) this is when I found out my old doctor wasn’t putting the notes in the system and when I came to see her. Those notes could have helped me. I went to see her every 2 weeks. Say my old therapist had to send me to a mental hospital, that would be useful for the judge but because she left no notes there will be no proof. They had my check-in history. However, it wasn’t enough proof because they could have checked me in when I actually didn’t show up.

This can be extra notes for the lawyer in case they need it. Unlike most cases where the claimant worked previously and later got sick/hurt, I was born with my conditions and they affected me my whole life. 

I am sure they will ask me have I tried to apply for jobs. The closest I came to trying to find a job was when I went through a program that I thought would help me but it didn’t work out and I left after 2 months. The coach was putting too much pressure on me expecting way too much from me. The counselor refused to believe I am autistic and I think that caused me to not get placed. The person outright didn’t want to hear my struggles and why I need the proper setting.

¬†Perhaps if I had a job, I would not be able to take off twice a month to see the doctor. I would not be able to take off so many times a year for doctor’s appointments. Remember, I need to prove I can’t work a full-time job. Five days a week for 8 hours. Especially because my mom wanted me in a retail job and retail changes your schedule a lot. Having anxiety thinks about how it will damage being around so many people and crowds for 8 hours a day. And I won’t know when the doctor’s next opening is. Most jobs may require you to work there for a while before requesting time/days off. This article is intended to prep some notes in case I need them. It may set a bad look to the employer if I only been working at the place for a week and I already need to take days off. Let’s say the doctor needs me to see him more often. I may not always be able to schedule around my work schedule (let’s pretend I had a job) I need an open schedule for doctor’s appointments. The employer can go ‘did I make a mistake hiring her? She needs to take off so many times a year.’ This doctor is open on weekends BUT his weekend slots will most likely be full.

  • Frequent need for doctor’s appointments
  • will get overwhelmed with a constantly changing schedule
  • doctor neglected to follow the rules. 

A healthy person wouldn’t need to see a doctor for follow-ups vs a healthy person. Back in 2007, my granda had a boatload of doctor’s appointments. He saw different doctors due to his diabetes and things diabetes can affect. Imagine if he had a full-time job and had to call-off like 3/4xs a month or more.

When my old doctor left I got a replacement a month later. The new doctor would just say my issues don’t exist because they’re different. Having someone that arrogant could have hurt my case. If social security requested a note from him and he told them ‘Jasmine’s condition is not bad. She is not depressed enough. There is no record of X. No record of Y etc.’ Of course SS will deny me due to a doctor stating that I do not need it. The doctor I saw before they mixed up my insurance strongly agreed that I need disability and will do what he can to help me.

  • Arrogant doctor.

This is for if the judge had notes from that arrogant garbage then the lawyer can argue I was not given the correct doctor due to the company’s irresponsibility. It was irresponsible of the company to just give me a random doctor rather than calling me and informing me that Sally (what we are gonna called the old social worker), did not leave notes regarding what we talked about.

Now, I am applying for more than just autism. I am applying for mental illness as well. Depression leaves me drained from the smallest task. I feel like I ran 5 miles and need to sit down for a bit. That would complicate a job. Remember my mom wanted me in retail. Imagine the store is busy and me having to sit down causing everyone else to fall behind. But I am completely drained and cannot perform anymore. Think of it as your phone, can you use it if the battery is completely dead? I cannot be under pressure. I cannot be rushed. I cannot be on someone else’s time. An example I have 20 mins to do a task and I really need an hour. I cannot be yelled at especially.  It cannot be where the job has to be done their way. It cannot be fast-paced. No constant changes with little to no time to prepare. On a full-time shift, you have to work at least 2 hours before the first break and I wouldn’t be able to go 20 minutes without needing a break both physically and mentally. 

  • Will need frequent breaks
  • extremely limited job options due to sensory issues 
  • I will not be able to process sudden changes, especially with little to no time to adjust to them.

The lawyer said a vocational person will be there to list jobs I can do based on what I tell him. This is Survivor and the vocational person is my biggest threat and I have to outwit him/her. Let’s say they suggest a retail job. I can counter fight with the following reasons.  The vocational person will go by your previous job(s). If I have never been able to obtain a job due to my conditions maybe it will be hard for him to come up with jobs including the questionnaires the doctors filled out.

I cannot do retail/fast food due to several reasons

  • Loads of people
  • fast pace
  • changing schedule and/or position 
  • Will need frequent breaks
  • Will need an open schedule for doctor’s appointments
  • I can’t be in settings with lots of noise and 50 things going on at once. 
  • I work at a slower pace.

I get overwhelmed and upset easily. I get stressed very easily. I can make some impulsive choices out of being upset. A customer yelling at me over nothing will be enough to make me upset and I will attempt to hurt myself. It’s happened before. 

  • I will try to hurt myself if someone yells at me.
  • Cannot do jobs dealing with the public.

My mom doesn’t care sometimes and triggers me then plays the victim.

I am very sensitive to certain types of criticism. Depending on how they say it, I will think they are against me and take it personally. Which gives the sender a second impression.

Interviews make me so anxious. I don’t know how to respond to questions. Sometimes I cannot directly say yes or no. Sometimes it’s in the middle. For example, you can ask me if I work out. I may work out 3xs a week. Therefore I cannot outright say yes or no. I will say ‘yes but 3xs a week.’ 98% of jobs have an interview process.  I also mentioned when I went through that program and the coach asked me the tell me about yourself question and I instantly f*ked it up. I immediately got anxious and could not answer the follow-ups questions the coach asked.

  • Interviews make me extremely anxious. 
  • I will not know how to answer the question(s)

Overall it will be hard to even get a job. Even though I was not officially ready to work when I went through that program. I applied to some places and didn’t hear back. The following jobs I can NOT do

  • Retail
  • Fast food
  • office jobs
  • nothing where you have to work fast
  • nothing where you have to work under pressure
  • nothing where I have to remember a lot of things due to poor memory
  • nothing where I have a short amount of time to complete a task
  • nothing with crowds
  • no fast-paced settings
  • high stress
  • high anxiety
  • anything with lots of noise. 
  • anything where I am physically active ( eg lots of walking, long-standing duration, etc)

I think my poor memory surely be a key reason why I wouldn’t be able to work. My extreme failure fear will surely get in the way. I will give the lawyer some last-minute notes and ask some last-minute questions.

Published By
aaliyahholt

It is my mission to replace stigmas with facts. There are so many stigmas and misinformation that surrounds autism. I am an aspiring writer who talks about autism and mental health. From sharing my experience to educating.

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