It’s pretty common for people to end up quitting something they love due to mental health reasons or just health reasons in general. I actually liked being in the band when I was in school. I got interested in music in the 4th grade when the fine arts teacher took us downtown to see the symphony and I liked it. The teacher showed us classical music and I found it neat. My music taste did change as I got older. I wanted to do the band. Unfortunately, the lessons were not during school hours. So I had to wait until Jr. High. At least I was closer to my Jr. High School and I can walk home or someone can meet me if I needed to stay after school.
My Jr. year I did a duet with a girl I sat next to. I BOMBED IT. My heart was racing and I was shaking from being so nervous an anxious. I get it, anyone would get nervous before performing. My anxiety for performing was BAD. This is associated with ANXIETY DISORDER. I felt like I was going into a panic attack. I was SHAKING from the judge staring at my every move.
This is like a contest but for musicians. If you’re a dancer and you partake in a dance contest where judges will rate your performance, think of the solo and ensemble like that. The director, the next day, when I went to hang out in the band room during lunch, was brutally honest and told me the judge said I did terribly. I tried explaining the crippling anxiety I had (sometimes anxiety will override logic) but the director would not understand. This is the same guy who thought screaming at me for struggling would ‘help.’ I feel no one will ever understand anxiety if they have never faced it. I took the harsh feedback to heart and decided to quit the band to avoid solo and ensemble. Originally I was going to quit band but still do the flag girls team then my mom told me not to sign up at all. (the real reason was my mom could not afford to give me cab fair to rehearsal but I could have stayed after school.) Before you pull the I can’t take criticism card, telling someone they are bad isn’t constructive feedback. If the judge had of made notes on what I need to practice (they did actually) ( eg practice your timing), and the director said hey let’s work on what the judges pointed out, that would have been constructive criticism. People have the misconception on what criticism is.
I took a guitar glass my Sr. year and the teacher would teach us a song and we have to play it for him. Yeah, I was scared to death of that, too. I ended up having to do the test 2 or 3 times due to my crippling anxiety.
I always wanted to get into acting/voice over work. If these things caused my crippling anxiety the auditions would have the same result. Unless I request one-way glass in the voice booth. If I know the director can’t see me but can hear me, my anxiety won’t as bad. Maybe…
Them staring at me is what causes the anxiety. I mean what really causes it. What if they can’t see me but can hear me?