I Have Not Been OK

Nowadays, I have to get out the chessboard and play social chess. One wrong move and I am taken out of context. I just wanna point out, I have not been OK since the pandemic break out.

Since 2016, I have been broke. I couldn’t do anything fun w/o my folks because I had no money. Couldn’t find a job to save my life. Wouldn’t be able to hold down a job due to autism and mental illness ( and other factors)

I had no money to put into my YouTube. Now 2020, I win my disability case. My benefits started back in March. I finally thought I can do something. I wanted to go to the movies, go back down south. My aunt wanted to plan a trip to OH to spend time with one of my uncle’s. Guess what? The pandemic gave us the finger.

I know I will be taken out of context. I do not intent to down play other issues. Everyone had something robbed of them due to the virus. It is OK for someone to explain what was taken from them big or small. Life is not a competition. Everyone should be able to vent about what’s happening no matter how big or small without fear of being shammed.

I started back going to the gym late February. Wanted to get out a bit more. Only for it to be taken when places had to close down.

I’ve been feeling hopeless like things will never get better and we have to live like this for the rest of our lives. I live in the US; not thrilled about it. The so-called president doesn’t care and only cares about people who are rich. Other countries got their cases under control while it’s spreading like a wildfire in some states.

I feel like things will never get better. This must be the new ‘normal.’ I guess this is the end of the world?

Some folks didn’t want to make a small sacrifice ( eg wearing a mask, going out only for essentials) to save lives. It really shows how people only care about themselves. It’s like putting on a seat belt before you drive. Or football players put on their padding and helmet before a game. They can wear their padding before a game and these selfish asshats can’t wear a mask for 20 mins in a store. If a medical condition makes mask-wearing hard, that’s one thing.

People couldn’t sacrifice like a few months of staying at home. My folks down south STILL take their asses to a church packed like crayons even after someone they KNOW HAD THE DAMN VIRUS!!!!!! AND IS RELATED TO THEM. A FUCKING FAMILY MEMBER GETTING THE VIRUS AND THEY ARE NOT WOKE. THEY STILL DIDN’T GIVE A FUCK AND WENT TO CHURCH. If they cared, they would have made one small sacrifice out of respect. We are not asking you to do this for good, just until things simmer down. This person is one of my cousins. If she died I don’t think I could forgive them.

Say someone at the church has the virus but does not know, they think they are fine and pass it to the next person and so on. All for what? What if you pass it to someone who is already sick and they die? All because you couldn’t give up church for a few months to save a life. Their state is a red state and no social distancing was enforced. Still, that didn’t stop them from wearing a mask and streaming the service and people can watch. My aunt even records the service on Facebook. So why can’t people just go on her Facebook from their house??

It hurts to see that folks simply don’t care. Those of you who did what you were suppose to do, I thank you.

It’s sad that money is valued over people’s lives. I recon that is why they won’t close the church until the virus simmers down. Money.

I wish we can just fast-forward to November already.

I have already given up and I am convinced that it will never end.

All because the so-called ‘president’ values money over America. I wish I wasn’t American because of this. I wish I was from a country where the president cares about his/her citizens and where the citizens cared about others.

I know that will never happen. A person can dream, right? Even if the asshat Trump did nothing, if people were willing to sacrifice going to bars, clubs, church, etc maybe things would have simmered down. The virus wouldn’t have vanished but at least fewer people would have gotten it, maybe??

Alas, partying, etc was more important to people than saving lives. I stayed at home because my mom and grandpa are already sick, I can’t catch the thing and bring it home. I wear a mask to be on the safe side. Since they made the signs of the thing match what I get with sinuses and allergies. In the event I was wrong and it wasn’t my sinus, at least I wore a mask and didn’t pass it to anyone. It’s about keeping people safe. But selfish people think these policies infringe on their rights.

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