If I got a dollar every time someone took me out of content when they could have asked me what I meant, I would have well over a million dollars. I will talk about how it’s pretty common for non-autistics (or anyone really) to misunderstand us.
I could name every single instance but the blog will be too long. One instance is, my friend, posted that he was not going to be on because he was going to be busy and his data was running low. I said his health isn’t worth being busy all the time. Someone who I didn’t know was his mom, took me out of context, and somehow read it as me expecting him to quit his job. Hence her saying ‘nothing in this world is free.’ He said something before she came in but I forgot. I see people say this all the time. Even though the word combo wasn’t the best. I do in fact see quotes from people saying your health is the most important thing.
She assumed I was rich and can afford to use Facebook when it’s free to use. Clearly, she doesn’t know Wfi, libraries, cafe’s with Wifi exist. In here logic, you can’t use Facebook if you’re poor. How do you think students w/o the internet do their work? Even if I had a job I could come on during the break, before going in, coming home, on off days, etc. There is no shame in living with a roommate or your parents. TBH it’s expensive living on your own and being with someone is easier than being by yourself. She couldn’t use her brain that those things could have been the case. She shamed me because I live with my mom and her parents. What good would his 2 jobs be if he gets too sick to work them for not taking care of himself and you’re in debt from bills? I saw it as wanting him to take it easy and give himself a little break if he has to and his mom somehow translated it to ‘quit your job and stay on Facebook’ or whatever. If I wanted him to work from home, for instance, I’d say make sure your income is stable for at least 5 months before you quit your job.
Some people put money away in case something happens.
She could have asked me what I was referring to. ASK Instead, she makes assumptions. If you don’t understand what someone is saying ASK. Making assumptions right off the bat it causes more problems.
Nowhere in the post did I tell him to quit his job. I could have meant being busy with non-essential things. But everyone drew their own conclusion that I was talking about him quitting his job. I am not certain that is where the disconnect was, but I took a guess based on how the mom responded; that she thought I told him to quit his job. Then again, he never said he was going to be busy with work. Maybe he was prepping for company, and I could have meant just prep for needed things (like food, toys for the kids, etc)
How the fuck do you get ‘take care of yourself’ which is what my message intended to say, with ‘quit your job?’
I bet if I made a video telling kids to not join too many sports, that will be read wrong, too. When in reality I am saying it because you don’t want to join too many clubs because what if they all have commitments on the same day.
Some of us aspies have trouble grasping that stuff. Employers don’t wanna give us a chance. Of course, I wouldn’t have understood her son’s situation. I am talking about not understanding retail folks don’t get paid enough. At the time. Which was in 2016.
My other friend DM me on Twitter giving me shit for it. I try to show concern for a friend and I get taken out of context. I got shit from a few people. TBH the situation escalated further than it had to because I felt the mom was judging me when she knows nothing about me. I hate it when strangers judge a person they don’t know from Adam. Little do she know most, if not all autistic people, struggle to find (or keep) a job. Which explained my ignorance.
I just hated how everyone scolded me like they’re all that and like they never made a mistake, made a poor lapse in judgement, or acted out of turn.
That’s all it was, miscommunication. But I was the villain because of it. So I guess if you act out of turn or make a poor lapse in judgement that invites people to shame you.
The mom started calling me names and child shaming me. You’re grown-ass woman name-calling but I’m a child, right? She was calling me a bitch and I was the villain for putting my foot down. This woman INSULTS me but everyone picked her side. Everyone always sides with the bully but it’s the victim’s fault for trying to shut it down. I guess if this woman came to my house and insulted me and I ask her to leave that would be my fault. When she came to MY house like she owns the place.
Honestly, if it were me I’d tell my mom ‘I know what she said was wrong, but insults are not OK. If you want her to understand why what she said upset you, how do you expect her to do so shaming and insulting her? Not everyone has the luxury to be able to work and pay bills etc.’
We are always made the bad guy when we put our foot down when being bullied, insulted, etc.
The point is all of that could have been avoided if the mom had just asked for clarification then just putting words into my mouth. She thought I was that dumb to tell someone to quit their job with no backup plan. I’d advise you to quit if it’s making your miserable BUT I would suggest finding/starting a backup income source or creating a savings account. At first, I may impulsively advise it assuming the person is staying with a friend. Maybe the friend won’t mind as long as they are doing training to better their skills to get a better job or going to school to get something better etc.
Later, my friend shamed me. I talked about this in a different blog. I forgot which one. She goes off on me saying I never paid a bill. When she, a 16 Y/O at the time, wasn’t paying a bill either. Don’t slam someone for something they don’t do when you don’t do it yourself. You can argue I am assuming she doesn’t pay bills. What job can she get at SIXTEEN where she would be able to pay utilities? You have to remember teens legally can’t work any more than maybe 4 hours per shift. Most can only do weekends due to school and/or sports and other commitments. They can’t work passed the state curfew for minors. So it’s common sense. Most teens can pay their phone bill. That’s about it. She thinks she is better than me for paying a cellphone bill!
I felt it in her attitude about the situation like she’s perfect and never acted out of turn. Acting like she is my damn mother. I am not gonna let some teen who thinks she better than me scold me like she is my mother.
Then on my Weku blog, I posted an article about how in certain cases we can be misunderstood by NTs. I share a short summary of the article or summarize what it’s about and link the full thing. If I link the full article and people find this blog I’d be accused of the content thief if no one knows I own the blog. My username is not the same across my platforms. Of course, someone assumes it’s misleading rather than clicking on the link I provided to know it was just a teaser of my blog. If they had asked me I would have told them. It’s not my fault they didn’t click on the link and just made assumptions. I think this person is trying their best to make me the villain. In reality, I am doing nothing wrong and it seems they want to stir the pot over nothing.
I talked about a case on my Steemit blog with someone taking an innocent poll I did just for the purpose of getting other people’s thoughts about Steemit out of context. I wish people can just ask you if they are unsure. How hard would it have been if the person on Weku said ‘why are these so short.’ I would have told them I share a short summary of my blogs and link the full thing. The highlighted text will take you to my blog if you tap it. Me, I had no intention to mislead people or anything. The other person saw it that way. I had no intentions to tell my friend to quit his job with no backup plan, other people saw it that way. It’s like I feel my heart is in the right place but other people have to twist it around.
It’s like from the poll, they took it as I want things handed to me. They claim I don’t work on my videos. How does this guy think I get them, out of my ass?
It’s just so hard being in a world for NTs. Not naturally having social skills like Nts. Even if we learn social skills, it will be so tiring for us constantly having to keep up. Nts (neurotypicals), not everyone on this planet is going to be like you. ND (neurodivergent) people, not everyone will be like you. Let that person be them and stop coming down on them for not being what you want them to be. If you expect someone to be like you then you have the problem, not them. They are trying. You are out her coming down on them for not being what you want them to be like.
Also, stop twisting their words for the love of God!